- Chairs and rugs: if you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you can't manage to get to a delicate oriental rug in time, shag is good.
- Doors: do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer away with your front paws. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. In fact just walk away, your work is done here! And, if you have ordered an outdoor door to be opened, stand half-way in and out and think about it. This tip is particularly important during very cold weather, rain , snow and mosquito season; especially if your person is not dressed for this weather.
- Guests: quickly determine which guests hate cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can arrange to have Friskies Fish-n-Glop on your breath, so much the better. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers, select a fabric color which contrasts well with your fur color. For example, white- furred cats should go to black wool clothing. For walking among dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "but you allow me on the table when company isn't here." Always accompany a guest to the bathroom. It's not necessary to do anything. Just sit there and stare.
- Work: if one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. The following are rules for hampering:
--When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a beter chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.
--For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. Also works well for other devices used for reading and viewing including phones, tablets, and Kindles.
--For knotting projects, curl up quietly on the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles sharply. This can cause dropped stitches. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.
Author unknown: but presumed to have whiskers ==^:^==
- Play: it is important to get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for playing catch-the-mouse or king-of-the-hill on the bed at 2 and 4 AM.
- Reminder: Begin people training early. You will then have a smooth running household. Humans need to know the rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.